Is what I'm doing worthwhile?

Sometimes I have to ask myself that. I can't tell if I'm avoiding my future or making smart choices for my career.

I got my undergraduate degree in something that I'm good at, and moderately passionate about. The same holds true currently for my Master's. Would I enjoy this career? Absolutely. But if you asked me what I want to be more than anything when I grow up? Wouldn't be the same answer at all.

I want to be a performer. I have a habit of putting myself down before I ever get to an audition, and for many reasons. The first would be the time commitment. I am so busy during the school year as it is, involved in both band and choir ensembles, as well as my classes and private lessons. Being in a show that would require rehearsals nearly every night would be simply impossible for me.

The second issue is my lack of proper experience. I was in a musical at the Lyric Opera in Kansas City as a child, and in high school I was in the 3 musicals that they put on. None of my roles were the lead, or even supporting. I was usually chorus, and might have a line or two of varying parts that help further the plot. But I DREAMED of the spotlight; to be Mrs. Dolly Levi walking down those steps in a sultry gold dress and feathers in my hair.

The third, and possibly hardest issue to tackle, is feeling like I'm not good enough. I get put down really easily, and intimidated much quicker. Before auditions I would sit with the other girls and they would tell me all the reasons why they would get the part that they want, why they would be best for it, and why the director agreed. Somehow I let that get to my brain, and I screw up my auditions. Not terribly, but enough to see that I wouldn't get a lead. And that will probably always hurt. That I can defeat myself before I ever begin.

I wish I had better confidence in myself. As far as looks; hair, clothing style, and make up, I do fine! I can rock out any outfit you give me, and I will wear it with confidence and attitude. If you want me to rock a song for an audition, well, that's a completely other story. My voice doesn't like to work with me when I need it most.

I guess you would say I have a bad case of stage fright. And you would be right. Over the last 4 years of my undergrad, I tried to figure out how to fix my stage fright, but with no avail. I can sing fine in front of just about anyone, unless they are judging me for a grade or a part.

Something I wanted to do (but made excuses and was too scared to try) was to get an internship with Disney this summer. They have performing internships from a few months to a year, either has dancers, singers, or acting as the characters. I know in my heart I could do it; I grew up watching and quoting the movies and characters since I was little, and it would feel like playing dress up. I convinced myself that they wouldn't like my voice, and that I'm not ready to fail in such epic proportions yet.

A part of me still wants to try. A part of me wants to try this upcoming summer, but alas, it looks like a trip to Germany is in the making in May, and would possibly conflict with such cruise lines or theme park shows. I need to find my voice again. I want to become good. I want to become so good that everyone will wonder why no one picked me before.

But...

Maybe it's just a silly dream, after all.

http://corporate.disney.go.com/auditions/index.html

What happened to real music?

I will start by admitting that I like listening to pop music.
With that, know that that doesn't mean I like ALL pop music or musicians.
I happen to enjoy a variety of music, and pop happens to be one of them.

That being said, I am deeply disappointed these days with the level of vocal performance/abilities, the problem also known as auto-tune.
I understand the practicality of it and it's usefulness, especially when the price of good recording studio time is to the max.
However, if the singer does not actually sound good with their natural voice, you cheat the audience when they hear a live performance.

There have been tons of examples in from both live concerts to awards ceremonies when you hear an artist you like sing a song that you love and realize it sounds NOTHING like the recording you have on the CD.

Some of it I can account to stage fright.
I'm a singer.
I am the queen of stage fright.
However, I don't sound like I'm singing a completely different tune when I perform.

If that IS a musician's problem, then maybe, JUST maybe, they should invest in some professional voice lessons, or never sing live. Yep. I just said that.

Musicians that use auto-tune when singing live are even more tacky.
Think to back in the days of records.
Sometimes these artists only had money to pay for ONE take of a song, and maybe not everything was in tune, but they sang/played their hearts out and that's what made it GOOD.

The problem comes when we find out artists are singing their hearts out and it sounds HORRIBLE.

How do we fix this in such a superficial and judgmental society?
Find the real musicians.
Find the ones who sound good without the auto-tune.
Find the ones who have soul rather than money to pay for cheesy song writers and choreographers.
Then maybe, just maybe, all music on the pop radio station would deserve to be there.