Dreams and Goals: 2011-2021

I recently decided that it could be fun to once a year post all my goals for the upcoming year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Now 5 to 10 years from now, I could reread these and find them extremely depressing, hilarious, or just sit and wonder "WTF was I thinking?" but it's the middle of a very hot day, and I can't think of anything better to do.

Within 1 year, I hope to...

1.) Travel outside of the country. I recently accepted a Graduate Assistantship with my choir department, and one perk of being in the top choir is that trips are half paid. So in May of 2012 (if all goes well) I will be in Germany and France singing and touring for 10 days.

2.) Finish my thesis. I know I just started my Master's program this past spring semester, but I feel that I can get through it quickly, and hopefully, I would be able to graduate either in the spring or summer of 2012 if I plan well. I think it would be slightly annoying to graduate in December again, and then actually deal with moving in snow and ice.

3.) Landed a job/internship that I enjoy. I know that sounds a bit of a stretch, but I'm open to a lot of different things at this point in my life. I have a degree in Music Education that certifies me for choral and instrumental programs, I will have a Masters in vocal pedagogy, and lots of options to either move or stay in the local area.  My ultimate dream would be to spend a couple years performing, like on a cruise, like with Disney. :)

I think that's a pretty good start for 1 year goals.

Within 5 years I hope to...

1.) Be working a full time job that I love. :) Right now I don't care if that means being a music teacher in an elementary, middle, or high school, or if I'm giving lessons in either a private studio or at home, or if I'm still performing somewhere. The skies the limit, so long as I am happy.

2.) Buy and own my first car. I have always driven family vehicles, which is great, because it's on my parents insurance and if any repairs were needed they paid for it! Starting this next week or so I will be driving a vehicle that belonged to my best friend who is going to be living in Korea teaching English for at least a year, so I'll get a little experience in responsibility, but still will be on my parents insurance. In five years I hope to be established to the point that I can afford to choose and buy my own vehicle. With a lot of luck, maybe something cool and eco friendly, like the new Toyota Hybrid Coupe...

3.) Live and support myself on my own! I do not want to be 28 and living with my parents unless there are extenuating circumstances that I'd rather not think about at the moment. If I was in a tough spot financially, then I would have to humble myself into living with them, but right now I just don't want that to be a possibility.

In 10 years I hope to...

1.) Be married. I almost put this in the 5 year category, but I am really starting to realize that there is no rush, unlike what southern Missouri seems to think. 23? It's not on the top of my priority list. 33? I would hope that someone would think me a good catch to marry by then. On a side note, I would love to have my wedding photos done by Katie Day, a personal friend and brilliant photographer. If you don't know her work, you are seriously missing out! Her blog posts and her galleries simply give me tears of joy.

http://katiedayphoto.com/

2.) Have (a) child(ren). For years and years I never wanted to have any children that could grow up and hate me, but I guess getting older means getting wiser, and knowing that I want to be a mom someday. If you follow my blog, you know that my two cats are currently my children, but someday I would like one that will grow to be tall like me and not shed hair all over my black clothes.

3.) Sponsor a child in a 3rd world country, and visit them. Yeah, this one is tough to put in a category. I would like for it to be a 5 year goal, but I'm not sure how much travel I'll be able to afford after graduating, looking for a job, and paying for the dreaded student loans. If I sponsor a child, I don't want my heartless money to go there, though I know it's needed, I want to actually establish a relationship and be there for that child.

http://www.childfund.org/

4.) Stay happy and thankful for God's overwhelming blessings in my life. I can never repay what He's done for me, but I want to be a fountain of love and compassion for others. Through Him, I can accomplish ANYTHING!

Is what I'm doing worthwhile?

Sometimes I have to ask myself that. I can't tell if I'm avoiding my future or making smart choices for my career.

I got my undergraduate degree in something that I'm good at, and moderately passionate about. The same holds true currently for my Master's. Would I enjoy this career? Absolutely. But if you asked me what I want to be more than anything when I grow up? Wouldn't be the same answer at all.

I want to be a performer. I have a habit of putting myself down before I ever get to an audition, and for many reasons. The first would be the time commitment. I am so busy during the school year as it is, involved in both band and choir ensembles, as well as my classes and private lessons. Being in a show that would require rehearsals nearly every night would be simply impossible for me.

The second issue is my lack of proper experience. I was in a musical at the Lyric Opera in Kansas City as a child, and in high school I was in the 3 musicals that they put on. None of my roles were the lead, or even supporting. I was usually chorus, and might have a line or two of varying parts that help further the plot. But I DREAMED of the spotlight; to be Mrs. Dolly Levi walking down those steps in a sultry gold dress and feathers in my hair.

The third, and possibly hardest issue to tackle, is feeling like I'm not good enough. I get put down really easily, and intimidated much quicker. Before auditions I would sit with the other girls and they would tell me all the reasons why they would get the part that they want, why they would be best for it, and why the director agreed. Somehow I let that get to my brain, and I screw up my auditions. Not terribly, but enough to see that I wouldn't get a lead. And that will probably always hurt. That I can defeat myself before I ever begin.

I wish I had better confidence in myself. As far as looks; hair, clothing style, and make up, I do fine! I can rock out any outfit you give me, and I will wear it with confidence and attitude. If you want me to rock a song for an audition, well, that's a completely other story. My voice doesn't like to work with me when I need it most.

I guess you would say I have a bad case of stage fright. And you would be right. Over the last 4 years of my undergrad, I tried to figure out how to fix my stage fright, but with no avail. I can sing fine in front of just about anyone, unless they are judging me for a grade or a part.

Something I wanted to do (but made excuses and was too scared to try) was to get an internship with Disney this summer. They have performing internships from a few months to a year, either has dancers, singers, or acting as the characters. I know in my heart I could do it; I grew up watching and quoting the movies and characters since I was little, and it would feel like playing dress up. I convinced myself that they wouldn't like my voice, and that I'm not ready to fail in such epic proportions yet.

A part of me still wants to try. A part of me wants to try this upcoming summer, but alas, it looks like a trip to Germany is in the making in May, and would possibly conflict with such cruise lines or theme park shows. I need to find my voice again. I want to become good. I want to become so good that everyone will wonder why no one picked me before.

But...

Maybe it's just a silly dream, after all.

http://corporate.disney.go.com/auditions/index.html