Dreams and Goals: 2011-2021

I recently decided that it could be fun to once a year post all my goals for the upcoming year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Now 5 to 10 years from now, I could reread these and find them extremely depressing, hilarious, or just sit and wonder "WTF was I thinking?" but it's the middle of a very hot day, and I can't think of anything better to do.

Within 1 year, I hope to...

1.) Travel outside of the country. I recently accepted a Graduate Assistantship with my choir department, and one perk of being in the top choir is that trips are half paid. So in May of 2012 (if all goes well) I will be in Germany and France singing and touring for 10 days.

2.) Finish my thesis. I know I just started my Master's program this past spring semester, but I feel that I can get through it quickly, and hopefully, I would be able to graduate either in the spring or summer of 2012 if I plan well. I think it would be slightly annoying to graduate in December again, and then actually deal with moving in snow and ice.

3.) Landed a job/internship that I enjoy. I know that sounds a bit of a stretch, but I'm open to a lot of different things at this point in my life. I have a degree in Music Education that certifies me for choral and instrumental programs, I will have a Masters in vocal pedagogy, and lots of options to either move or stay in the local area.  My ultimate dream would be to spend a couple years performing, like on a cruise, like with Disney. :)

I think that's a pretty good start for 1 year goals.

Within 5 years I hope to...

1.) Be working a full time job that I love. :) Right now I don't care if that means being a music teacher in an elementary, middle, or high school, or if I'm giving lessons in either a private studio or at home, or if I'm still performing somewhere. The skies the limit, so long as I am happy.

2.) Buy and own my first car. I have always driven family vehicles, which is great, because it's on my parents insurance and if any repairs were needed they paid for it! Starting this next week or so I will be driving a vehicle that belonged to my best friend who is going to be living in Korea teaching English for at least a year, so I'll get a little experience in responsibility, but still will be on my parents insurance. In five years I hope to be established to the point that I can afford to choose and buy my own vehicle. With a lot of luck, maybe something cool and eco friendly, like the new Toyota Hybrid Coupe...

3.) Live and support myself on my own! I do not want to be 28 and living with my parents unless there are extenuating circumstances that I'd rather not think about at the moment. If I was in a tough spot financially, then I would have to humble myself into living with them, but right now I just don't want that to be a possibility.

In 10 years I hope to...

1.) Be married. I almost put this in the 5 year category, but I am really starting to realize that there is no rush, unlike what southern Missouri seems to think. 23? It's not on the top of my priority list. 33? I would hope that someone would think me a good catch to marry by then. On a side note, I would love to have my wedding photos done by Katie Day, a personal friend and brilliant photographer. If you don't know her work, you are seriously missing out! Her blog posts and her galleries simply give me tears of joy.

http://katiedayphoto.com/

2.) Have (a) child(ren). For years and years I never wanted to have any children that could grow up and hate me, but I guess getting older means getting wiser, and knowing that I want to be a mom someday. If you follow my blog, you know that my two cats are currently my children, but someday I would like one that will grow to be tall like me and not shed hair all over my black clothes.

3.) Sponsor a child in a 3rd world country, and visit them. Yeah, this one is tough to put in a category. I would like for it to be a 5 year goal, but I'm not sure how much travel I'll be able to afford after graduating, looking for a job, and paying for the dreaded student loans. If I sponsor a child, I don't want my heartless money to go there, though I know it's needed, I want to actually establish a relationship and be there for that child.

http://www.childfund.org/

4.) Stay happy and thankful for God's overwhelming blessings in my life. I can never repay what He's done for me, but I want to be a fountain of love and compassion for others. Through Him, I can accomplish ANYTHING!

I'm thankful for...

I decided to not let my last online verbiage be negative, so I'm back to blog some more. I seem to often ramble upon what confuses me about other people and their actions, but right now I'm going to take a moment to reflect on the positives.

First and foremost, I am thankful for my amazing family. I have, of course, a huge extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins (both my parents come from farm families), but right now I want to focus on my immediate family.

My sister, Michaela and her husband, Andrew. She's a joy and inspiration every day in my life. She got married last year and for the first time in my life I feel truly lonely because I now live without any of my family (she was my roommate throughout my undergrad). I love that I get to catch up with her on Facebook and chat with her while we play scrabble online and talk about our crazy pets. We also pray for each other about jobs, managing money, and relationships (not just with significant others, but with friends, too).  Andrew complements her personality quite well. He got a good job and a house for them to move into once they were married, and has helped her tone down her (used to be) slightly erratic shopping addictions. I am thankful that they keep me aware of real life jobs, responsibilities, and struggles that lie before me after my (2nd) college graduation.

My brother, Christopher. Yeah, he's a lot younger than me (11 years, and yes, he was planned), and it has been really hard to form a friendship and bond with him. My parents began having lots of problems with he was really young, and Michaela and I were both in college when they got divorced. He is getting quite a different upbringing than what my sister and I had, and that's hard for me to digest sometimes. Make no mistake that I love this boy, and want to grow a friendship with him that he will be able to rely on in years to come. Right now I don't try to pretend I'm interested in all the video game and manga books he is into, but eventually I'm sure we will find more likes and dislikes in common. I want to thank him for keeping me young at heart and reminding me to be grateful for what I have.

My dad and his girlfriend, Michelle. My dad is, well, my dad. He has always had time consuming jobs from the time I was little (teacher, then police officer), but time with dad was always fun. He is probably who instilled in me my love of motion pictures. I absolutely LOVE movies. And also because of him, I learned to quote movie lines, which became our favorite game while waiting for food at restaurants. I can memorize and quote lines from nearly every movie I watch. Dad has his faults, of course, such as being in love with junk, and being good at collecting it, but I can never thank him enough for his inspirational dedication. He really taught me that dedication is what pays off in the long run, not looks or money. And Michelle? She's such a positive person, and has really helped my dad come alive again. She's a no nonsense kind of girl, and helps keep him in check. :)

My mother and her new husband, Bobby. My mom is the most generous person I know. She would rather go in debt and live on ramen and crackers than ever let me go without milk and bread in my fridge or gas in my car. I used to disagree with her on nearly everything, but now as an adult I appreciate her and all the sacrifices that she does for me and what she believes in. Let me just warn you, you don't want her on the head of a committee unless you want it to turn out 10000x better than you originally planned, because she will put her whole soul (figuratively, of course) into that project. Bobby is quiet and loving, and quite a good scrabble player. I enjoy his cool head in chaotic family moments, and even brings in humor (bad, but it's the effort that counts).

Step brother, Taylor. He's Bobby's son, and just about one of the bluntest and most creative people I know. Most of his emails and screen names make absolutely no sense until you ask him to explain them, and he doesn't have a problem telling you if he thinks your idea is lame. We all need that person in our lives; the one who tells us that we have a terrible idea and it would be much easier if we did this instead of that, or if our choice of hair dye was a total disaster. Maybe if celebrities had friends like this, they'd stay out of the tabloids as 'worst dressed'. :)

I promised myself I would just stick to immediate family today, so that's what I did! Next time I'll post about my amazing friends, and let me tell you, you will be jealous. :) Have a blessed day/evening, everyone!

Are my pets being baby substitutes???

I'll preface stating that I have two cats, both just under three years old. I won't bore you with details about their adorableness; it will annoy you and it goes without saying anyway.

The thing is, I don't think a lot of people are as attached openly to their pets. I need to make myself admit that when I am gone for a few hours from my apartment, I find myself missing their snuggly, furry company.

I love being needed. I love taking care of them. I love when they take over my lap and take a nap. I even enjoy cleaning up after them. It makes me wonder if my hormones are a little out of whack.

I do want kids someday. I'm in this weird stage in my life where half of my friends and cousins around my age are getting married and having babies. As soon as one wedding happens, another friend is engaged and is planning their wedding. While that is happening, another friend, whose wedding I went to not too long ago, is pregnant, and so there are baby showers being held.

Me? I ended a dysfunctional relationship that took up almost 3 years of my college career, and have now been dating a wonderful guy for a year. I'm not quite ready to make a commitment that means forever yet, but I'm craving the thrills of bachelorette parties, wedding planning, and baby showers. It honestly doesn't help that both my sister AND my mother got married this past summer (just over a month apart, mind you).

I think that I get a little jealous and crave the attention that everyone is getting because someday I do want to get married and have children. I think that the way I keep myself from going nuts is by acting the mommy to my kitty babies. They are definitely independent beings, but they also love me like crazy and are needy for attention when I come in the door.

Another aspect that keeps me in check is that I know that often divorce in America these days contributes to not really getting to know and understand the person you're committing to until after the vows were taken. To me, marriage isn't supposed to be a business contract, where if he screws up on his end of the deal you'll be over and he'll owe you money. It's about being a family. Becoming a single unit. I want to make sure that I know exactly what I'm getting myself into before going down the aisle.

I also know that I don't want to have kids until I am married. There are definitely some great couples out there having children and staying happy without being married. The sad thing is that the happy ending is not what usually happens. I know a girl who lost her virginity to a guy she had just started dating, and even though they used protection, she got pregnant after the first time. She told him, and he wanted her to get rid of it, but she morally could not do so. Now he claims that it was from someone else and that he knew nothing about it. She's definitely a strong girl, and she's going to make it through (she's about 7 months along now), but I know that this isn't what she wanted. I know that she would have much rather wanted a guy who would stick around and want to be a part of her and their child's life. This has really happened to at least 4 friends and personal acquaintances of mine. The guy I'm dating is not this type, but it's easier for me to just avoid all the dramatic possibilities completely.

It's a tough world out there. It is implied in stories that when you love someone that everything will work out, but it doesn't. Better to make the best of everyday, and work through problems with love and understanding as best I can. In the mean time, I will probably continue to spoil my kitty babies with love (not food, one is definitely getting overweight). It calms the desires just enough to hold off until it's really my turn.

Forgiveness

Making amends, making peace, whatever you want to call it.
You don't have to be religious to feel better about yourself or your situation after apologizing when you've done something wrong. Just have to be human.

I student taught not too long ago in an elementary music classroom, and although a lot of singing and dancing went on, so did a lot of accidental bumping, fingers getting stepped on, elbows too close to neighbors, and ill-choice of words.

In the younger grades, especially, we would often take time to practice the exchange (as a class) both the apology and the acceptance of the apology. It would go something like this:

**Situation where, during a dance, a friend accidentally jabs his elbow into another friends chest**
victim-"OW!!"
Me-"Are you alright?
victim-"He hurt me!"
friend-"I didn't mean to!"
Me-"Oh, class, let's talk about what we should do. Raise your hand if you know what you should do if you accidentally hurt your friend. (Picks a raised hand)
student 1- You should say, "I'm sorry."
Me-"Very good. Let's practice as a class.
All-"I'm sorry."
Me-"Very good. What should the hurt person say back to their friend? Someone raise their hand and tell me. (Picks another raised hand)"
student 2- "You could say 'I forgive you.'''
student 3- "Or you could say, 'It's okay.'"
Me- "Let's practice saying this together. You can say either 'I forgive you,' or 'It's okay.' Ready?"
All- "I/It's forgive/okay you."
Me- "Very good! Now who's ready to play the Old Gray Cat?"
******

Now, I assume if you're reading this, you're an adult like I am. I am curious why forgiveness, something that is instilled in most public education systems in America, seems to get harder as you get older.

Perhaps the offenses are bigger? Stealing, lying, cheating all happens in classrooms, however, when we become bigger people, so do the things people steal, the lies, and the situations in which people cheat.

I lived in a situation with roommates in college that was less than pleasant in several different situations. Among stolen items from various members in the house (not just myself) include large amounts of money, food, movies, video games, an Ipod, even contact lenses (yes, prescription). We all had things stolen. And it sucked.

I had strong suspicions about several house roommates; especially ones that were not exactly the most forthcoming, or had a history of lying.

I finally confronted one such person recently (I live by myself now), because after a few months, I found it eating away at my soul. What was stolen from me that made me the most upset was contact lenses. When I finally talked to her about it, I suddenly realized how much it didn't matter in the long run. I had strong suspicions, as well as information to back up that counted as proof in my mind. It doesn't matter if she did or did not steal my contacts.

A book I read recently called Radical by David Platt is generally about how to separate your Christian faith from the ideals of the American Dream. One chapter is completely dedicated to the wealth of the United States compared to the rest of the world. I have always known about the difference of wealth, but it certainly put things in my life into perspective.

I'm not condoning the stealing. I am simply learning to accept that overall, it's just stuff. I had no right to ignore or be angry like I had been for months. I have glasses (2 pairs, actually), and I am lucky enough to have an optometrist in my town, let alone the money to pay for both a diagnosis as well as a cure (being the glasses or contacts).

I am not the best Christian in the world, and will never pretend to be. I will, however, accept that I have been forgiven for everything that I have ever done, and everything I will do in the rest of my natural lifetime. I have no right to withhold grudges, hate, or anger to any human being, no matter their vices against me. Everyone deserves my forgiveness. Even when it's hard.

And it always is.