Drama-obsessed People- part II

When do you tell a person that you honestly don't give two cents to their drama they want to share? Especially when it's not even their own drama, but someone else's?

See, I haven't been too careful of doing that myself. Sometimes when I feel a bit superior over an ex-boyfriend and want to make sure the person I'm talking to knows why I'm better, I'll share information that is not relative to my situation at all that makes the other person look bad. I'm even friends with some of my old boyfriends. Why would I do that?

I'd easily like to blame someone else, but if you've read my blog before, you know how I feel about that already. It's true, this style of gossiping is a learned behavior, but I can also take charge of my life and try to live differently.

How do we stop this vicious cycle?
To tell the truth, I don't know that I have the full answer to this. I think it might be different for each of us.

For me, probably the first step would be to let the past die. If I have truly forgiven someone, then I have no reason to share past offences against me with other people. It's not their business. The only reason to share such information is to change that person's view on another in a bad light. Isn't the world hard enough without everyone giving you the cold shoulder before you get to prove you've changed for the better?
That part starts with me, and I even already broke this today. I talked badly about an ex unnecessarily. I want to become conscious of my inclinations to talk badly about other people, and nip it in the bud.

So that would hopefully help my problem, but what about everyone else?
Well, first, make sure you diagnose the situation correctly. Sometimes a friend needs a shoulder to cry on or get advice, so details of too much information may come with the territory. What I want to avoid are situations where a person is talked about simply to have their credibility diminished. An act of revenge, revelation of a scandal, etc. Not my business.

So... how would you want me to politely tell you that I'm not interested in hearing how much a 'girl hates you for no apparent reason and these are the reasons why I don't care,' or that 'at a party my ex-boyfriend's fiancée took off her ring to appear single while dancing with other guys'? It's not that I don't love you. I just want the bad-mouthing to stop. Starting with me.

Will you stand with me? Will you help keep me accountable?

My Recent Obsession...

Baking.

Before you start picturing me in your head as a little miss Betty Crocker with goodies on decorated trays in my kitchen while I stand smiling proudly with flour smudged on my cheek and apron, know that I grew up not knowing how to cook. At all.

When I left for college, I knew how to use the microwave and the toaster and how to follow instructions on a box like for macaroni and cheese and hamburger helper. However, I only made easy, follow-the-box-instructions food. How I have maintained my figure, I'll never know. My family ate out of the home (fast food or sit down restaurant) at least once EVERY DAY. Yes. Sometimes more than once a day.

It wasn't until I went grocery shopping one spring day last year with my current boyfriend that I ever questioned my eating habits. I knew eating out wasn't healthy, so I definitely cut back on that, but I still bought every thing easy that came in a box with all the ingredients included. He saw me grabbing a box of pancake mix, and he asked me, "Why are you buying that?"
"... Because I love pancakes. And waffles. A lot. I make them all the time!"
"I know, but why don't you just buy flour and sugar? That's way cheaper."
"You mean, like, make it? From scratch? I don't know how to do that!"
*rolls his eyes* "It's super easy, I promise. And it's more cost efficient." (Yes, he really does talk this way)
"Um... Okay..."

Don't judge me. It's not like we're all born knowing how to cook. Someone teaches us. My mother is a good cook, but she doesn't like how time consuming it is and all the dishes that come with it, hence why I grew up eating a lot of take out. I have had a lot of free time at college on weekends and evenings, so I have slowly but surely started using recipes to make food from scratch.

I joined Allrecipes.com, which is a free online archive of thousands of recipes all submitted by other members, and I can read ratings, comments with additions/subtractions/general suggestions, and save an online recipe book of my favorites. It started with pancakes/waffles, then gradually moved on to biscuits, crepes, cakes, muffins, pies, soups, and even shake and bake chicken. I spend 90% of my money on groceries now so I can have more things to make in my kitchen, and I love every minute of it. Like today, I baked strawberry banana muffins (use half recipe: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Strawnana-Bread/Detail.aspx) and banana bread (used a home recipe from my boyfriend's mother).

I have even become adventurous enough to make my own little creations, such as a delicious stir fry using whatever meat I have on hand as the base, fresh vegetables sliced and diced such as carrots and broccoli, an egg, and spices such as fajita seasoning and garlic salt. Serve on hot white rice and you have yourself an awesome dinner. I definitely don't think I'll ever be on Top Chef, but hopefully I will be able to make delicious meals for my future husband and children someday.

Are my pets being baby substitutes???

I'll preface stating that I have two cats, both just under three years old. I won't bore you with details about their adorableness; it will annoy you and it goes without saying anyway.

The thing is, I don't think a lot of people are as attached openly to their pets. I need to make myself admit that when I am gone for a few hours from my apartment, I find myself missing their snuggly, furry company.

I love being needed. I love taking care of them. I love when they take over my lap and take a nap. I even enjoy cleaning up after them. It makes me wonder if my hormones are a little out of whack.

I do want kids someday. I'm in this weird stage in my life where half of my friends and cousins around my age are getting married and having babies. As soon as one wedding happens, another friend is engaged and is planning their wedding. While that is happening, another friend, whose wedding I went to not too long ago, is pregnant, and so there are baby showers being held.

Me? I ended a dysfunctional relationship that took up almost 3 years of my college career, and have now been dating a wonderful guy for a year. I'm not quite ready to make a commitment that means forever yet, but I'm craving the thrills of bachelorette parties, wedding planning, and baby showers. It honestly doesn't help that both my sister AND my mother got married this past summer (just over a month apart, mind you).

I think that I get a little jealous and crave the attention that everyone is getting because someday I do want to get married and have children. I think that the way I keep myself from going nuts is by acting the mommy to my kitty babies. They are definitely independent beings, but they also love me like crazy and are needy for attention when I come in the door.

Another aspect that keeps me in check is that I know that often divorce in America these days contributes to not really getting to know and understand the person you're committing to until after the vows were taken. To me, marriage isn't supposed to be a business contract, where if he screws up on his end of the deal you'll be over and he'll owe you money. It's about being a family. Becoming a single unit. I want to make sure that I know exactly what I'm getting myself into before going down the aisle.

I also know that I don't want to have kids until I am married. There are definitely some great couples out there having children and staying happy without being married. The sad thing is that the happy ending is not what usually happens. I know a girl who lost her virginity to a guy she had just started dating, and even though they used protection, she got pregnant after the first time. She told him, and he wanted her to get rid of it, but she morally could not do so. Now he claims that it was from someone else and that he knew nothing about it. She's definitely a strong girl, and she's going to make it through (she's about 7 months along now), but I know that this isn't what she wanted. I know that she would have much rather wanted a guy who would stick around and want to be a part of her and their child's life. This has really happened to at least 4 friends and personal acquaintances of mine. The guy I'm dating is not this type, but it's easier for me to just avoid all the dramatic possibilities completely.

It's a tough world out there. It is implied in stories that when you love someone that everything will work out, but it doesn't. Better to make the best of everyday, and work through problems with love and understanding as best I can. In the mean time, I will probably continue to spoil my kitty babies with love (not food, one is definitely getting overweight). It calms the desires just enough to hold off until it's really my turn.

Blame the people

I don't know why, but lately it's been bugging me when I hear someone blame objects, things, for the bad things or results.

Like in court these days, we can prove that music, movies, and video games cause people to kill each other. Um, no. You couldn't PAY me to believe that. Guns do not kill people. People kill people. People create the weapons, which then are used to kill other people. Violence in movies, music, and video games do not make people do any thing. We always have a choice.

We have a choice to believe that orange is really blue, and blue is really green. We can call a pencil a frindle or a crayon. We are given freedom of choice from birth here in America. In some countries, your beliefs can easily get your whole family murdered. Here? Instead of worrying about how to feed a family on less than a dollar a day we blame our weight problems on McDonald's. Who chose to buy the 2 Big Mac's with large fries and a large soda? Oh, that would be you, not McDonald's.

Blame the real problem. We dig our own graves. We gain weight because we don't eat right. We have prejudice because we refuse to understand others. We get in fights because we don't try to listen and choose to hear what we want. We kill people because it's the easy way out of fixing problems.

Hate your life? Stop blaming others. Do something about it. Be who you want to be. Sounds silly, but I used to watch Westerns with my dad, and in the movie Silverado, there is a very small woman named Stella who said, "The world is what you make of it friend. If it doesn't fit, make alterations."

Imagine what the world would be if we all had the same positive outlook on our mishaps. Imagine what we could do. Now, go and be. Be the change you want to see in the world.

What happened to real music?

I will start by admitting that I like listening to pop music.
With that, know that that doesn't mean I like ALL pop music or musicians.
I happen to enjoy a variety of music, and pop happens to be one of them.

That being said, I am deeply disappointed these days with the level of vocal performance/abilities, the problem also known as auto-tune.
I understand the practicality of it and it's usefulness, especially when the price of good recording studio time is to the max.
However, if the singer does not actually sound good with their natural voice, you cheat the audience when they hear a live performance.

There have been tons of examples in from both live concerts to awards ceremonies when you hear an artist you like sing a song that you love and realize it sounds NOTHING like the recording you have on the CD.

Some of it I can account to stage fright.
I'm a singer.
I am the queen of stage fright.
However, I don't sound like I'm singing a completely different tune when I perform.

If that IS a musician's problem, then maybe, JUST maybe, they should invest in some professional voice lessons, or never sing live. Yep. I just said that.

Musicians that use auto-tune when singing live are even more tacky.
Think to back in the days of records.
Sometimes these artists only had money to pay for ONE take of a song, and maybe not everything was in tune, but they sang/played their hearts out and that's what made it GOOD.

The problem comes when we find out artists are singing their hearts out and it sounds HORRIBLE.

How do we fix this in such a superficial and judgmental society?
Find the real musicians.
Find the ones who sound good without the auto-tune.
Find the ones who have soul rather than money to pay for cheesy song writers and choreographers.
Then maybe, just maybe, all music on the pop radio station would deserve to be there.

Broken Promises

Yeah, I know.
General title.
Really, if you think about it, it's such a huge horizon of possibilities.

I honestly believe that the worst thing we can ever do is make promises.
Seriously, we know that most of the time there aren't really horrible consequences.

When I don't work out like I promise myself I would, I'm actually usually a happy person.
Since I didn't work out, I'm not going to be sore tomorrow.
However, it doesn't help me get into shape or have a healthier lifestyle, like I want.
**side note: being slim does not equal being in shape. I would like to be able to run a few miles and not feel like puking.**

If you ever meet someone with an addiction, whether it's to drugs, alcohol, caffeine, or even just candy, they are kings/queens of breaking promises to themselves. So maybe they didn't quit smoking today; it's not like the smoke today will be what gives them cancer, right? No big deal.

When it comes to breaking promises to ourselves, it's usually something that hurts us in the long run, which is why we so easily write it off in the present.

The question really is: why do we even bother?

Let's come back to that.
Now, promises to other people?
That's a lot worse.
And a lot trickier.
Especially when kids are involved.

We teach kids that if you make a promise that you're a terrible, horrible person if you break it:
We make them promise to eat ALL their food.
Do their homework.
Brush their teeth.
Go to bed on time.

We promise them things like:
Going to the movies this weekend.
Getting ice cream.
Going to a friends house.
Going to the park.
Going to an amusement park.
Going on vacation.
Etc, etc, etc.

Kids are usually good at keeping their promises.
Adults are not.
And the kids take is PERSONALLY.

I know I did. I would remember every single time one of my parents broke a single promise.
Even if it was just postponed a day.

Then kids grow up. And realize just how easy it is to make promises and break them.
We forgive some people a little easier than others, especially when we understand circumstances as adults.

What I REALLY hate is when a guy or girl promises not to break someone's heart.
Um. Excuse me? What if you 'fall out of love' with this person while they're still in love with you?
How do you get out of that promise, I'd like to know?
The only people who make those promises early on in the relationship are actually the notorious heart breakers.
Note that I said 'early on.' I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule, so don't get all tied up in knots.

Continuing, we most easily break promises to those that we love, ourselves, and the people we don't really like.
Basically, everyone. How do we stop the never ending cycle?

To quote an old song by Savage Garden,
"Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep.
There's a time to be a king and a time to be a thief.
'Cause if you're making all these promises you know know you cannot keep,
You know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone."

So, don't make promises.
I'm not saying don't make any whatsoever.
If you promise to stay sober while your license is on suspension, I definitely say keep sober.
And I definitely believe people should keep those wedding vows (which are PROMISES).

However, if you're riding in the car with your son/daughter/niece/nephew/cousin/next-door-neighbor/whatever, maybe don't promise that you'll get ice cream after the movies. Maybe, if you find the ice cream shop still open, surprise them.

Maybe don't promise to call your significant other on your break at work. You might not get that break you deserve, or you might find something you really need to use that time for instead. You could say that if you get a chance you'll try to call them on a break.

If you're in (an) organization(s), seriously be wary of making promises to meetings or extra bake sales. You aren't a super hero. The best you can do is try to be at as many things as you can.

That being said, this does not give you permission to be a flake. If you say you're going to try, at least make the effort.
If you don't mean it, maybe you should just be honest with that person and tell them you can't/don't want to.
Honesty goes a long way with most people because they're used to the fake lies and broken promises.

I will try to be a real person with every person I meet. How about you?

The Lenten season

If you go into Wikipedia, Lent is generally described as the following:

"Lent in the Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Conventionally, it is described as being forty days long, though different denominations calculate the forty days differently. The forty days represent the time that, according to the Bible, Jesus spent in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by Satan.

This practice was virtually universal in Christendom until the Protestant Reformation. Some Protestant churches do not observe Lent, but many, such as Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists and Anglicans, do."

"There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations."

How it was explained to me was that during Lent you give up something that you don't really need, and during the time you would normally be spending doing whatever it was you gave up, you used that time to dedicate yourself in prayer, studying the Word, and just becoming closer to God. I didn't really practice it much as a child because I didn't understand it.

What I don't understand as an adult is how Lent became a diet regiment. I do not want to label any group of people, and more than anything, I blame tradition and lack of understanding. Growing up, I saw where people were giving up soda, giving up junk food, giving up beef, or meat in general for forty days. Maybe giving these up brought them closer to God, and if so, I am not going to judge them. What I don't understand is the lack of God in Lent.

Yes, Lent is a tradition through the church. We do not need tradition to be closer to God. Got it. I'm just saying that if you're going to give something up, why is it for your benefit and not for His?

If you read this and practice Lent through your church, I challenge you to try making a real sacrifice this year:

**Like to gossip? Don't participate for 40 days. Tell your friends you aren't interested, and don't repeat to anyone hearsay that is hurtful to another human being.
**Like to buy coffee every morning? Make it at home, and give the money you would've used to your church or a charity of your choice.
**Like to read novels for leisure? Try reading a devotional or Bible guide during your reading hours. There are so many out there, Google or ask friends for recommendations.
**A lot of extra free time? Volunteer it away with your church or a charity.
**Honestly need to lose weight? Join a program or start a work out regiment with a friend, and make time to pray for each other's health every day.
**Struggling with time, finances, and friendship? Wake up ten minutes earlier every day and just spend it in prayer. Pray for your family, time, finances, and friendship. Pray as if He's real and as if He's listening.

A sacrifice, by definition, is an act of an offering; destruction or surrendering something for the sake of something else. It's not supposed to be comfortable. It's not supposed to feel good at first. It's about learning what we can live without, and giving the glory to God.

You don't have to be religious to practice meanings of Lent. If you don't believe, I would still challenge you to give up something for the better of the world and the people who live in it.