Blame the people

I don't know why, but lately it's been bugging me when I hear someone blame objects, things, for the bad things or results.

Like in court these days, we can prove that music, movies, and video games cause people to kill each other. Um, no. You couldn't PAY me to believe that. Guns do not kill people. People kill people. People create the weapons, which then are used to kill other people. Violence in movies, music, and video games do not make people do any thing. We always have a choice.

We have a choice to believe that orange is really blue, and blue is really green. We can call a pencil a frindle or a crayon. We are given freedom of choice from birth here in America. In some countries, your beliefs can easily get your whole family murdered. Here? Instead of worrying about how to feed a family on less than a dollar a day we blame our weight problems on McDonald's. Who chose to buy the 2 Big Mac's with large fries and a large soda? Oh, that would be you, not McDonald's.

Blame the real problem. We dig our own graves. We gain weight because we don't eat right. We have prejudice because we refuse to understand others. We get in fights because we don't try to listen and choose to hear what we want. We kill people because it's the easy way out of fixing problems.

Hate your life? Stop blaming others. Do something about it. Be who you want to be. Sounds silly, but I used to watch Westerns with my dad, and in the movie Silverado, there is a very small woman named Stella who said, "The world is what you make of it friend. If it doesn't fit, make alterations."

Imagine what the world would be if we all had the same positive outlook on our mishaps. Imagine what we could do. Now, go and be. Be the change you want to see in the world.

What happened to real music?

I will start by admitting that I like listening to pop music.
With that, know that that doesn't mean I like ALL pop music or musicians.
I happen to enjoy a variety of music, and pop happens to be one of them.

That being said, I am deeply disappointed these days with the level of vocal performance/abilities, the problem also known as auto-tune.
I understand the practicality of it and it's usefulness, especially when the price of good recording studio time is to the max.
However, if the singer does not actually sound good with their natural voice, you cheat the audience when they hear a live performance.

There have been tons of examples in from both live concerts to awards ceremonies when you hear an artist you like sing a song that you love and realize it sounds NOTHING like the recording you have on the CD.

Some of it I can account to stage fright.
I'm a singer.
I am the queen of stage fright.
However, I don't sound like I'm singing a completely different tune when I perform.

If that IS a musician's problem, then maybe, JUST maybe, they should invest in some professional voice lessons, or never sing live. Yep. I just said that.

Musicians that use auto-tune when singing live are even more tacky.
Think to back in the days of records.
Sometimes these artists only had money to pay for ONE take of a song, and maybe not everything was in tune, but they sang/played their hearts out and that's what made it GOOD.

The problem comes when we find out artists are singing their hearts out and it sounds HORRIBLE.

How do we fix this in such a superficial and judgmental society?
Find the real musicians.
Find the ones who sound good without the auto-tune.
Find the ones who have soul rather than money to pay for cheesy song writers and choreographers.
Then maybe, just maybe, all music on the pop radio station would deserve to be there.

Broken Promises

Yeah, I know.
General title.
Really, if you think about it, it's such a huge horizon of possibilities.

I honestly believe that the worst thing we can ever do is make promises.
Seriously, we know that most of the time there aren't really horrible consequences.

When I don't work out like I promise myself I would, I'm actually usually a happy person.
Since I didn't work out, I'm not going to be sore tomorrow.
However, it doesn't help me get into shape or have a healthier lifestyle, like I want.
**side note: being slim does not equal being in shape. I would like to be able to run a few miles and not feel like puking.**

If you ever meet someone with an addiction, whether it's to drugs, alcohol, caffeine, or even just candy, they are kings/queens of breaking promises to themselves. So maybe they didn't quit smoking today; it's not like the smoke today will be what gives them cancer, right? No big deal.

When it comes to breaking promises to ourselves, it's usually something that hurts us in the long run, which is why we so easily write it off in the present.

The question really is: why do we even bother?

Let's come back to that.
Now, promises to other people?
That's a lot worse.
And a lot trickier.
Especially when kids are involved.

We teach kids that if you make a promise that you're a terrible, horrible person if you break it:
We make them promise to eat ALL their food.
Do their homework.
Brush their teeth.
Go to bed on time.

We promise them things like:
Going to the movies this weekend.
Getting ice cream.
Going to a friends house.
Going to the park.
Going to an amusement park.
Going on vacation.
Etc, etc, etc.

Kids are usually good at keeping their promises.
Adults are not.
And the kids take is PERSONALLY.

I know I did. I would remember every single time one of my parents broke a single promise.
Even if it was just postponed a day.

Then kids grow up. And realize just how easy it is to make promises and break them.
We forgive some people a little easier than others, especially when we understand circumstances as adults.

What I REALLY hate is when a guy or girl promises not to break someone's heart.
Um. Excuse me? What if you 'fall out of love' with this person while they're still in love with you?
How do you get out of that promise, I'd like to know?
The only people who make those promises early on in the relationship are actually the notorious heart breakers.
Note that I said 'early on.' I'm sure there are exceptions to every rule, so don't get all tied up in knots.

Continuing, we most easily break promises to those that we love, ourselves, and the people we don't really like.
Basically, everyone. How do we stop the never ending cycle?

To quote an old song by Savage Garden,
"Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep.
There's a time to be a king and a time to be a thief.
'Cause if you're making all these promises you know know you cannot keep,
You know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone."

So, don't make promises.
I'm not saying don't make any whatsoever.
If you promise to stay sober while your license is on suspension, I definitely say keep sober.
And I definitely believe people should keep those wedding vows (which are PROMISES).

However, if you're riding in the car with your son/daughter/niece/nephew/cousin/next-door-neighbor/whatever, maybe don't promise that you'll get ice cream after the movies. Maybe, if you find the ice cream shop still open, surprise them.

Maybe don't promise to call your significant other on your break at work. You might not get that break you deserve, or you might find something you really need to use that time for instead. You could say that if you get a chance you'll try to call them on a break.

If you're in (an) organization(s), seriously be wary of making promises to meetings or extra bake sales. You aren't a super hero. The best you can do is try to be at as many things as you can.

That being said, this does not give you permission to be a flake. If you say you're going to try, at least make the effort.
If you don't mean it, maybe you should just be honest with that person and tell them you can't/don't want to.
Honesty goes a long way with most people because they're used to the fake lies and broken promises.

I will try to be a real person with every person I meet. How about you?

The Lenten season

If you go into Wikipedia, Lent is generally described as the following:

"Lent in the Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Conventionally, it is described as being forty days long, though different denominations calculate the forty days differently. The forty days represent the time that, according to the Bible, Jesus spent in the desert before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by Satan.

This practice was virtually universal in Christendom until the Protestant Reformation. Some Protestant churches do not observe Lent, but many, such as Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists and Anglicans, do."

"There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour). Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations."

How it was explained to me was that during Lent you give up something that you don't really need, and during the time you would normally be spending doing whatever it was you gave up, you used that time to dedicate yourself in prayer, studying the Word, and just becoming closer to God. I didn't really practice it much as a child because I didn't understand it.

What I don't understand as an adult is how Lent became a diet regiment. I do not want to label any group of people, and more than anything, I blame tradition and lack of understanding. Growing up, I saw where people were giving up soda, giving up junk food, giving up beef, or meat in general for forty days. Maybe giving these up brought them closer to God, and if so, I am not going to judge them. What I don't understand is the lack of God in Lent.

Yes, Lent is a tradition through the church. We do not need tradition to be closer to God. Got it. I'm just saying that if you're going to give something up, why is it for your benefit and not for His?

If you read this and practice Lent through your church, I challenge you to try making a real sacrifice this year:

**Like to gossip? Don't participate for 40 days. Tell your friends you aren't interested, and don't repeat to anyone hearsay that is hurtful to another human being.
**Like to buy coffee every morning? Make it at home, and give the money you would've used to your church or a charity of your choice.
**Like to read novels for leisure? Try reading a devotional or Bible guide during your reading hours. There are so many out there, Google or ask friends for recommendations.
**A lot of extra free time? Volunteer it away with your church or a charity.
**Honestly need to lose weight? Join a program or start a work out regiment with a friend, and make time to pray for each other's health every day.
**Struggling with time, finances, and friendship? Wake up ten minutes earlier every day and just spend it in prayer. Pray for your family, time, finances, and friendship. Pray as if He's real and as if He's listening.

A sacrifice, by definition, is an act of an offering; destruction or surrendering something for the sake of something else. It's not supposed to be comfortable. It's not supposed to feel good at first. It's about learning what we can live without, and giving the glory to God.

You don't have to be religious to practice meanings of Lent. If you don't believe, I would still challenge you to give up something for the better of the world and the people who live in it.

Forgiveness

Making amends, making peace, whatever you want to call it.
You don't have to be religious to feel better about yourself or your situation after apologizing when you've done something wrong. Just have to be human.

I student taught not too long ago in an elementary music classroom, and although a lot of singing and dancing went on, so did a lot of accidental bumping, fingers getting stepped on, elbows too close to neighbors, and ill-choice of words.

In the younger grades, especially, we would often take time to practice the exchange (as a class) both the apology and the acceptance of the apology. It would go something like this:

**Situation where, during a dance, a friend accidentally jabs his elbow into another friends chest**
victim-"OW!!"
Me-"Are you alright?
victim-"He hurt me!"
friend-"I didn't mean to!"
Me-"Oh, class, let's talk about what we should do. Raise your hand if you know what you should do if you accidentally hurt your friend. (Picks a raised hand)
student 1- You should say, "I'm sorry."
Me-"Very good. Let's practice as a class.
All-"I'm sorry."
Me-"Very good. What should the hurt person say back to their friend? Someone raise their hand and tell me. (Picks another raised hand)"
student 2- "You could say 'I forgive you.'''
student 3- "Or you could say, 'It's okay.'"
Me- "Let's practice saying this together. You can say either 'I forgive you,' or 'It's okay.' Ready?"
All- "I/It's forgive/okay you."
Me- "Very good! Now who's ready to play the Old Gray Cat?"
******

Now, I assume if you're reading this, you're an adult like I am. I am curious why forgiveness, something that is instilled in most public education systems in America, seems to get harder as you get older.

Perhaps the offenses are bigger? Stealing, lying, cheating all happens in classrooms, however, when we become bigger people, so do the things people steal, the lies, and the situations in which people cheat.

I lived in a situation with roommates in college that was less than pleasant in several different situations. Among stolen items from various members in the house (not just myself) include large amounts of money, food, movies, video games, an Ipod, even contact lenses (yes, prescription). We all had things stolen. And it sucked.

I had strong suspicions about several house roommates; especially ones that were not exactly the most forthcoming, or had a history of lying.

I finally confronted one such person recently (I live by myself now), because after a few months, I found it eating away at my soul. What was stolen from me that made me the most upset was contact lenses. When I finally talked to her about it, I suddenly realized how much it didn't matter in the long run. I had strong suspicions, as well as information to back up that counted as proof in my mind. It doesn't matter if she did or did not steal my contacts.

A book I read recently called Radical by David Platt is generally about how to separate your Christian faith from the ideals of the American Dream. One chapter is completely dedicated to the wealth of the United States compared to the rest of the world. I have always known about the difference of wealth, but it certainly put things in my life into perspective.

I'm not condoning the stealing. I am simply learning to accept that overall, it's just stuff. I had no right to ignore or be angry like I had been for months. I have glasses (2 pairs, actually), and I am lucky enough to have an optometrist in my town, let alone the money to pay for both a diagnosis as well as a cure (being the glasses or contacts).

I am not the best Christian in the world, and will never pretend to be. I will, however, accept that I have been forgiven for everything that I have ever done, and everything I will do in the rest of my natural lifetime. I have no right to withhold grudges, hate, or anger to any human being, no matter their vices against me. Everyone deserves my forgiveness. Even when it's hard.

And it always is.

Reality TV

Yeah, I know. When I read it, I cringe, too.

But I also know that I watch it.

There are a few shows that I watch on occasion, and I honestly don't know what I find appealing about them.

Like, the Real Housewives (of wherever, it doesn't matter).

I don't really want to follow their drama; I more find myself amazed when I simply compare their every day lives in comparison to mine. 

I can't imagine living in a mansion with just my husband a couple of pooches. 

I can't imagine taking my 3 and 5 year old children shopping EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

I can't imagine having a hair and nail stylist who come into my house every day to make me look like a celebrity.

I can't imagine spending the same amount on birthday cake that would get me a really good used car.

I can't imagine having (or pretending to have) that much money.

Most of all, I can't imagine the things that people would decide to say or bring up in a public situation, when you can even SEE it in their faces and eyes that they know there will be a huge fight. 

Are they that desperate for attention? I guess so.

You could argue that that's what this blog is: someone desperate for attention, for someone to acknowledge my opinion. And you may be right, but you also may be wrong.

A lot of these women do have good intentions, I'll admit. I've seen many who do wonderful things for charities and for their family, friends, etc. But why do some need to tell their husband on national television that she need her own personal jet? Or a yacht? Does anyone other than really important politicians or world leaders need a private jet? Does ANYONE honestly need a yacht? Probably not.

Because my sister (and my mother) got married this past summer, I also had my fill of watching wedding shows like 'Say Yes to the Dress,' and 'Bridezillas,' and although I could blame that on my sister, my continuing to watch similar shows is completely my own volition. Sometimes it's nice to watch women truly in love (not 'Bridezillas') finding the dress they want to marry the love of their life in. Often I can't imagine spending that much on a dress that I would wear only once, however, it is still fun to look. It's similar to window shopping, looking while not buying and still getting the same satisfaction.

Cooking and design shows are a double edged sword for me:

I know that a lot of these people are getting enough sleep, enough time to eat and take care of their health, nor enough time to contact their families. However, watching what these people can do under pressure, time, and money constraints is often amazing (or sometimes horrifying to us, the viewers). What humans are capable of doing is truly amazing, and I commend all the artists who compete on these shows.

American Idol? You're looking for the best 'performer,' not the best singer. If you want the best singer, try putting actual vocal coaches or teachers as your judges. I wish you would stop advertising it as the best singer. Most the time, I can't stand their voice.

There are few game shows I actually enjoy watching. 

One happens to be the Amazing Race.

These people are in a competition, yes, but part of this competition is learning about the cultures of other countries. The competitors are being exposed to places where English is not spoken and Democracy is not a way of life; these experiences are incredible opportunities to learn how big the world really is, and how different (and similar) all the people are. Experiences such as these are vital in order to rid the world of stereotypes, prejudice, and hate. Sometimes, experiences like this even inspire individuals to do even more to give back into the world, like Blake Mycoskie, who then created the first American company whose motto is 'One for One.' http://www.toms.com/

Such an experience is also a clear demonstration of ability to get tasks done in a using both street smarts as well as time management, and have a little fun, unlike the popularity contest shows where you can get 'voted off the island.'

The shows about average men and women doing difficult or extraordinary jobs can be fun, as long as the highlight of all your advertisements for that weeks episode is literally the only exciting part of the show. I'm not telling you to hype it up, I'm just saying don't over do the advertisements if that's the best you got for that week. 

One show I don't think I can ever watch? Toddlers in Tiaras. 

Considering how much it is advertised in commercials, I feel as though I've seen every episode.

I don't even have a problem with the kids so much.

Children are children. 

Your 3 year old daughter is not a queen or a princess, no matter how many flashy clothes you buy them.

Your 3 year old should never get away with ordering you out of the room, and you, the parent, complying.

What is the point of childhood beauty contests?

How many have you seen grow up to be the next famous actress on the big screen, or the next teen pop star?

I honestly don't know of any.

The only child model I ever knew the name of was JonBenet Ramsey, and that's because she was murdered.

Just keep that in mind when you're dressing your girls up in lip stick and high heels; we all need to be careful what we really want the world to see.

I will probably edit this or continue this in another post later on.

Drama-obsessed People

I'm going to start off by saying that I was enrolled in public middle and high schools.
I know drama when I see it.
And you know what?
I've noticed that there are age-levels of drama.

In middle school:
OMG, he likes her.
Does she like him?
No, she likes this other guy.
Does he like her?
Maybe, but he really likes this girl, and they're going to meet after school and go to the mall.
OMG, that's so cute!
Yeah, but she also told this guy that she would go to the dance with him.
For real? Why does he even like her? She's obviously just playing him!
(by the lockers of the 'popular girls')
***Everything is like this, love that, who's cool and who's not.

In high school:
OMG, I fought with my parents so I told them I was staying the night at Nicki's but really I stayed at Shawn's.
Nu uh, girl!
Oh, yes I did! His parents didn't care so we just stayed up all night and...
(in class instead of doing work)
***Angst against parents, teachers, and rebelling in every possible way. Oh, high school, I have not missed your shallowness and your materialism.

In college:
So my ex saw that my car was at his frat house and I told him that I was just studying with the some of the guys but really I was hooking up with his best friend Aaron!
You and Aaron?
Yeah, we've definitely been flirting for months and now I am not dating the control freak so I'm having fun.
What if he finds out?
He won't. Aaron doesn't want to lose his f*** buddy.
(campus sidewalks and shuttle stops)
***Definitely more organized and coordinated backstabbing. Everything is revenge against the ex.

These are general homogenized examples of things I have heard throughout the years. And at the age-level, I would say that some are fairly normal.
What's NOT normal is when you go up an age group and stay at the lower gossip group, or if you're young and in the higher age group.
Don't  act surprised, you've probably met some.

There were definitely kids at my middle school exploring sex together, and cheating on each other and bragging about it in the hallways. The guys often dropped out or got kicked out of school after a few years from fighting (their girls be cheatin' on them!) and the girls would get pregnant because obviously THEY were cool and THEY could never get pregnant so they didn't have to use protection. Um, sorry. No. You want the benefits of an adult relationship without the adult consequences. Stick to "who likes who."

I hate meeting people in college who are still obsessed with the drama from their high school (who is still sleeping with who, cheating, and prom queen). Yes, they exist. I've even met some who wanted to move back to their home town so they could be near the gossip.
Grow up. There's a reason you're out of high school: so you can learn to live a normal life.

I was never big on parties in the college scene (not being judgmental to anyone who is), but know that after I graduate, it's not a big deal to hear about who's getting wasted and hooking up with people at parties. After a few years in college, I pretty much know who they are, and so it's not really a surprise or a shock.
Basically, please don't call me about how crazy your party was last night. Odds are, I won't care.

It's often the same people who go to these parties and gossip about them that are the same ones who say they don't like parties.
Well, if you don't like them, don't go, because I certainly don't want to hear about them.
Since I hardly care for parties, I hardly ever go. If I go to one and get bored, I leave. Simple as that.

And don't use your friends as an excuse. If they want to be reckless with their lives, it's not your job to keep them safe from STD's, pregnancy, or even just a bad hangover.

I'm definitely not telling you to ditch your friends at a party.
I'm saying that it's not your responsibility to be a mom to your friends. Tell them how you feel about them going (or about who is there), and then tell them that you aren't going to go with them. If you're feeling really kind you can offer to pick them up as a sober driver in the middle of the night.

And CERTAINLY don't go and pretend to be disgusted, and then be the queen bee spreading the hot gossip from the latest party.
There's not even a word to describe how flaky that makes you look.